Painful Sex Has Causes

Dyspareunia and vaginismus are real conditions, with names and treatments.

Many of us absorbed the idea that sex might hurt at first, and that if it kept hurting, the problem was us: too tense, too anxious, not relaxed enough. No one corrected that.

Pain during sex isn't a personality trait or a mindset to fix. It's a symptom, your body flagging that something specific is going on. And like most symptoms, it usually has a name and a way forward.

Start here

Pain with sex is common and real. Recurring pain affects an estimated 10 to 20% of people born with a vagina, though the number shifts with age and how it's measured.

The "it's all in your head" message has done damage. It's a big reason people wait years to bring it up, get brushed off when they do, or walk away believing nothing can be done. None of that is true. Naming what's happening is the first thing that changes it.

Two words worth knowing

Dyspareunia is the medical word for genital pain before, during, or after sex that keeps happening. It can be felt at ...

Vaginismus is when the muscles around the vaginal opening tighten or brace on their own when penetration is attempted, sometimes enough to ...